The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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