Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
