we have pet lesbian snakes
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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