i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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