my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
