I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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