Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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