Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
