my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
