We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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