Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
