girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
