I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
