is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
