I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
