i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
