Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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