I want to make a zoo with you.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
