Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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