Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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