I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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