I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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