listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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