My brain says no but my pants say off.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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