at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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