i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
