I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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