I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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