Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
