They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
