I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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