god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
