My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
