How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
