So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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