Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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