His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my shit smells like andre
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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