The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
