dude i'm inner monologue high
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
