so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
