i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
