Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If that was your dad, he is hot
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize