I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
