I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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