I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
