Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
