just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
