omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
