Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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