You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
