trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
