i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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