i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
