How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
