she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My vagina is very pro this idea
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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