so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
