in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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