at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
