I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
handjob tips. give me some.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
