Nicole vs. Life
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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