We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
