dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize