Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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