She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
