Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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