And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
