between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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