checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
