Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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