After last night, I could never be a politician.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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